Finding Joy in Youth Ministry - A Question

This week I'm writing blogs about things I'm thankful for. One of the things that I’m most thankful for is that I get to teach the Bible. I love the Word of God and I love getting to teach it to teenagers. This blog explains my feeling toward youth ministry and for that matter, ministry in general. It is also a good example of why you shouldn't ask me a simple question unless you want a long answer.

I was recently asked if I found joy in youth ministry. That word, "joy" stuck with me all night and into the next morning. What is joy? Sure I like doing youth ministry and I’m happy to be with the students. Our Wednesday night youth group is a highlight of my week and I truly love the students I get the privilege of serving. Is that joy though?

In writing to the Christians in the twelve tribes who had been scattered everywhere by the oppression of the Assyrians and Babylonians James charged them, "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds," (James 1:2 ESV). He of course goes on to tell us the benefit we receive in the testing of our faith.

The word joy (χαρά; chara in the Greek) is the same throughout the New Testament and means gladness. It comes from the verb χαίρω; chairō which means to rejoice exceeding, to be glad, to thrive. James is telling us to have the same response to persecution as the wise men had to the announcement of Jesus birth (Matt. 2:10).

Joy in the Holy Spirit is what Paul tells us the Kingdom of heaven is about (Romans 14:17). Again, however this isn't a fun situation. People are bickering over what they can eat. The vegans and the bacon lovers are coming to blows at the church potluck and Paul rebukes them saying, get over it! Heaven is about joy in the Holy Spirit! We see joy listed as the second in line of the fruit of the spirit which I as a Christian possess.

Paul rejoices that he gets to pour his life out for the faith of the Philippians (Phil. 2:17) and he invites them to join him in his joy. So do I have joy? HECK YES I DO! Is it because of youth ministry? No, it’s because of Christ but it is out of that joy that I love others as He has loved me (John 15). Do I look forward to youth group every single week and love hanging out with, and teaching the Bible to this crazy, group of suburban, knife wielding, home schooling, maniacs? Oh, HELL YEAH! You better believe it! I love these students. I love their families! I love teaching the Bible! So my answer isn’t a simple, “Sure, it’s cool”. My answer is an emphatic, “YES!” There is much joy from Christ in seeing what the Holy Spirit is doing in the lives of the teens at this church.

I’m not just here because it’s a good place to do something. I’m here because I love Jesus, I love these students, I love Jesus' church and serving His church is worship and it is joy filled, worship! 

Thankful To Be An American

I'm going to try to write a few blogs this week about things I'm truly thankful for. This first one is hopefully not too controversial, It is something that has been striking me lately as I see all the usual social media complaining change to thankfulness this month. I've found myself very convicted of my own complaining and lack of realization of my own privileged. 

This is the week when we American’s stop complaining about being cut off in traffic, Starbucks getting our drink wrong or the line at the store being too long. In fact this Friday, we’ll seek out bad traffic and long lines. Well some of us may still complain as well. The point is, it’s Thanksgiving week, the dedicated time to stop and give thanks.

Given all that we have in this great nation, it amazes me that we need to dedicate a day remember to give thanks. Even the poor in America live in abundance! We have more opportunity than any other place in the world. President Ronald Reagan said, “In America, our origins matter less than our destination, and that is what democracy is all about.”

Before you dismiss me as a rich guy who just doesn't get it, I am poor by American standards; my back account is currently overdrawn and I worry every month if I’ll have enough to make my bills. I struggle daily, but I’m in the best country on the planet to have these “problems”. I’m able to easily pick up side jobs and sell possessions whenever I need. When I look at my “poverty” compared to the rest of the world, I realize exactly how wealthy I am.

The media would tell you that I’m poor. If my income doubled, I’d still be making less than a “livable wage”. Yet, I have I home with heat, running water, food, and electricity. Many people in the world do not. My family owns two cars that we drive to the grocery store. Many in world walk miles in often empty hopes of finding scraps of food. All by basic needs are met and exceeded. This simply is not true for most of the planet.

Charity Water reports, “In Africa alone, people spend 40 billion hours every year walking for water. Women and children usually bear the burden of water collection, walking miles to the nearest source, which is unprotected and likely contaminated.” People are walking miles through horrible conditions to get filthy water and they are thankful, yet we have our day ruined by a referee blowing a call in a football game.

Even our homeless have places to get food and shelter. We have the greatest freedoms in the history of mankind. Our military is the toughest fighting force ever conceived. We have a raging immigration debate because people from all over the planet want to come to this land of opportunity. If you live in the United States of America, you have much to be thankful for every single day. The poorest among us, have much to be thankful for. The richest among us have much to be thankful for.

Please never forget the blessing we have as Americans. Please never forget the men and women who died to give us these blessings. Please never take for granted how rich you are. Please remember to give thanks today and every day for the blessings you have. Please stop complaining about the 1% and realize you are the 1%.

Thanking God for Mars Hill and Pastor Mark

With Thanksgiving approaching, I've been thinking a lot about what I’m most thankful for in life. I’m in fact working on writing a blog about thankfulness…. which I’ll probably never post but that’s ok. Heck, I’m typing this. and I don’t know if I’ll post it or just send it to a few close friends.

Psalm 95:2 tells us, “Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving; let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise!” Luckily for you this is a blog and you don’t have to hear my dreadful singing you just get to read my thanksgiving.

There is one area of my life that I've given much thought lately and have wanted to write about but I just haven’t had the words, or maybe I've just had too many words and needed to sort them out. It’s hard to write about being thankful for something when you know many of your friends do not share your thankfulness and in some cases are even hurt by what you are thankful for. With that said, if you are one that was hurt by Mars Hill, please know that I do not mean to throw salt in your wounds but I do wish to publicly thank God for what He has done for me through Mars Hill and maybe even process some of my pain over Mars Hill’s demise.

I've spent almost 14 years of my life at Mars Hill. I've been trained, loved, disciple, rebuked, challenged, and blessed during these years. I've learned more about Scripture, ministry, community, family and most importantly Jesus than I even did in Bible College. Week after week I sat under the best Bible teaching I've ever heard. Pastor Mark brought the words of Scripture to life and ignited in me a fire, and a passion to search out more for myself.

It is under the leadership and preaching of Pastor Mark that I learned what it means to be a godly man, to be tough when defending my family and to be tender with my family. It was here that I first heard the concept of daddy dates, and spoiling my kids as long as they don’t act spoiled. I learned good doctrine, that Jesus loves His church, and that my deepest family is the family I find in the blood of Jesus. I've learned about worship, marriage, legacy, identity, and most of all, I've learned about Jesus. Every sermon I ever heard Pastor Mark preach was about Jesus. I love this church! I love Pastor Mark! Because of Mars Hill and because of Pastor Mark, I love Jesus more, I love my wife more, I love my kids more, I love God’s people more, I love non-Christians more. I’m thankful for this unfathomable blessing on my life.

This year has been a tough one for Mars Hill, one that will see our conclusion. I’m heartbroken about that fact. I've shed countless tears and spend many hours calling out to God in lament over what is a devastating loss to me. Yet, even in my grief my thankfulness for Mars Hill increases. It is here that I learned to suffer well and to share burdens with others.

Pastor Mark said, “Our identity is not in our joy, and our identity is not in our suffering. Our identity is in Christ, whether we have joy or are suffering.” He’s right! In this season of suffering and pain, my identity isn't in Mars Hill or Pastor Mark, it is in Christ.

Pastor Mark also said, “Any Christian who says he does not really need human friends because God is his friend is calling God a liar because He's the one who says we also need human friends.” Again, incredibly applicable to this season, now more than ever I need my friends. I’m experiencing the death of a church I love and I’m not experiencing it alone. With the help of dear friends, I am walking forward through the pain. When I came to Mars Hill I would never have relied on others but I've been well trained.

(Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 ESV)

[9] Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. [10] For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! [11] Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? [12] And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

No person has had a greater impact on my life than Pastor Mark Driscoll. From the first time I heard him speak over twenty years ago to the last sermon he preached at Mars Hill, he’s been faithful to the Word of God. He’s been a great pastor to me and shepherded me well. Anytime I've run into him, he’s asked with genuine care and interest about my life, and listened and prayed for me. From the stage he’s been a theological powerhouse, from the halls of Mars Hill he’s increasingly been a fatherly figure.

Of course it hasn't all been good, I've seen failure, pride and other sins from Pastor Mark and my other leaders. I've also seen Pastor Mark lead in public repentance, in humility and in grace. I’ve seen him and other pastors and leaders (including myself) fail, repent, and then find a new area to do the same. I've learned that repentance is comprised not just of an apology but rather of confession, contrition and change and I've seen that acted out by many.

However the greatest gift I've received at Mars Hill isn't the teaching, the worship, the discipleship, or all the free books I've accumulated over the years, it’s the people. The people of Mars Hill, past and present are what I am most thankful for. It was here that God gave me a family. People my kids know as grandparents, aunts and uncles and even sisters. It was at Mars Hill that He made us family. The memories of Abigail, now 7 in nursery with Joyce Chester rocking her, Chaucer (4) rushing the stage to hug Batman (Cooper Robinson) during worship, Olivia (9) and her adoration for Pastor Travis Tuttle, Saphyre (14) and her deep friendship with youth leader Ashley Nedervelt, Tessa (3) running with pure excitement to greet Aly Perrigo, these are the memories I’ll hold most dear.

I thank God for the family I have because of Mars Hill. I’m going to miss what was but I’m forever grateful for what God did here and for the blessing of family that I get to take with me long after Mars Hill is gone. We have a six Sundays left as Mars Hill but I have a lifetime of family and fond memories. I owe much to Mars Hill and Pastor Mark, he’ll always be a father figure to me but the greatest debt I own is the one paid by Jesus and it was here that I finally came to understand that. Thank you, Jesus for 14 great years at Mars Hill! 

Living the Dream... At Work

I spent years toiling away at a job I hated. Let me be clear, I didn't dislike this job, I didn't find it annoying, I hated it! No, I loathed it. The job itself was fine, my fellow coworkers were great (trauma brings unity) but my boss was horrible. He made Scrooge look like Mickey Mouse. Bob Cratchit at least got Christmas off with pay. If I took Christmas off I had to make it up by working the weekend (both days). This was by far my lest favorite job of all time.

Then there were the jobs with cool bosses and lousy work environments, like HVAC install where I spent my day in crawl spaces. The day I decided I was done was the day I had to lay in a what was once a cat and was now nothing more than a pile of maggots. I had maggots in my nose, ears, clothes and just about anywhere you can imagine. That just sucked! There were of course the jobs that started super early too, those weren't a ton of fun either.

All in all however, I've had a mostly good jobs and good bosses. The only other job I can think of where I just didn't like my boss was one where I worked for a racist, sexist, pompous jerk. I didn't have a lot of interaction with him most days though so it was no big deal. Other than those couple of bad experiences it's been pretty good.

Even in fast food jobs when I was younger I had bosses who trained me, invested in me and promoted me. Working at Arby's was a great experience and I still apply much of what I leaned there. Tully's Coffee was while perpetually running out of money was a good place to work. I had great bosses both when I worked in the stores and when I worked in store development. TERRA Staffing was a company full of amazing people who love to develop leaders. Working there for Barbara Van Meter was great. She was a tough (in a good way) but fair boss who taught me a lot. That whole company from the founder on down was great. Like I said, my life has been pretty good when it comes to jobs.

I'm now in the best "job" of my life. I work fir a small company with a boss that treats me great or what ever synonymy you think is better than great. My company is like a family, we may bicker at times but we all have each other's backs and come together to do some cool things. I came into my role with limited direct experience but I've learned on the job. My boss has always been patient and kind and much more of a coach than a boss.

My job involves looking at and talking about exotic Italian cars all day and planning the world's largest Italian car show. I love everything about what I do. I look forward to coming to work every morning and when I had two weeks off with pay over Christmas, I missed it so much I came in to my office a few times anyway.

While my work has me wearing many hats it's largely a communications job which is new to me but it's exactly where I want to be. Most days work is challenging, I run into obstacles, I have to problem solve, some piece of technology makes me angry or I deal with a difficult person. It's not that my job is easy, it isn't. Easy would drive me nuts, I need a challenge and this "job" provides that. I also need a team and I have that here.

So basically I just used a lot of words to say that I'm super thankful for the job God has given me and I wouldn't leave it for anything. Most of us work to pay our bills and don't get to enjoy it. I get to look forward to coming to my office every day.

Isolation Sounds So Good and Other Lies

Proverbs 18:1 "Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; 

he breaks out against all sound judgment."

I've been thinking a lot about the concept of solitude verses isolation lately so reading this verse got my mind going. My ESV Study Bible had a helpful note that said, 

"Prov. 18:1 Whoever isolates himself: translates a Hebrew word that refers to someone who is either reclusive or divisive. Either way, antisocial tendencies seem to be implied."

Being the nerd I am, I decided to look up the word and see what it means. The Hebrew word is "פָּרַד" (Strong's H6504)  (pronounced: pä•rad) and it means to divide or separate. I'm done with the nerdy stuff now and moving onto the why I'm writing this.

I've had an intense desire to be away lately. Many days hiding in a cave sounds like a perfect solution to life. To be clear in these moments I'm not seeking solitude, I'm seeking isolation, I'm seeking myself and myself alone. It's not a desire to go and recharge, it's a desire to run and hide, to quit, to give up. Even writing that makes me want to punch myself in the nose. Anyone who knows me knows I HATE giving up! Yet for some reason lately, I've been willing to give up and hide. 

So why do I want to run away so bad? Because I never do! Over the past few years I've become increasingly poor at taking times of solitude. I fail to do as Jesus did (Luke 5:16) and withdraw from the constant commotion of life and pray. Because I'm not taking healthy breaks my sinful heart desires an unhealthy break. It wants one devoid of community. The truth is I would be miserable without my community!

I live my life trapped in the business of life. I'm in a suburb but it's much more urban than I'd like. My phone pushes my email to me from 4 different accounts and I check it at ever vibration, phantom vibration and random moment I think I'm so important I need to. Facebook, Twitter and Instagram rarely go long without being checked in on and I rarely let calls or texts go unanswered (unless I just want to annoy someone). I need to build in a few hours a week and one day a month to completely unplug, no technology, no chatter, just me, my Bible and Jesus.

This blog was poorly titled because I only addressed one lie but hey I only got a couple hours of sleep. There are plenty of other lies I believe I live out on a daily basis. Keep reading my blog and I'm sure you'll see more. Hopefully as I sleep more the quality of my writing will increase as well. This particular is a pre-coffee, no sleep look at how I really feel. Get some coffee in me and I'll get a bit more clever.  

A House of Girls

Girls, girls, girls! My house is filled with girls. Some of these girls were born my daughters, some were adopted as daughters, some are just family friends and one is my amazing wife (Karina) who they all look up to. So, why do I need to mention all these girls? Well for one, I don’t have much else to talk about, Chaucer (my lone boy) and I roughhouse, sword fight and play baseball in the house (Karina does not approve) but we spend most of our time hanging out with the girls. There are a lot of emotions that I never knew existed that I’m learning about.

So who are all these girls that dominate my life? They (along with Chaucer) are the greatest blessing I have ever received. They bring joy, giggles, smiles, pleasant smell (usually), and a lot of emotion to our home. They teach me a lot about what it means to be a man and they pretty much ensure Chaucer will have his pick of any girl on the planet when he gets older. This kid is going to be a ladies man!

First, there is my wife. She is a bit nuts, well actually she’s completely nuts. I love her for it. She offers wise counsel, great food (especially her mashed potatoes), hugs (against her will), humor and much, much more. My wife is a leader of leaders yet a failed sinner who struggles to see herself as God sees her. She could just quit there and give up but she doesn’t, she uses her struggles to encourage others.

Karina comforts with the truth, she’s not one who offers platitudes or empty words. She does this for me, our family and the women she leads. Her speech is usually seasoned with wisdom, cutting humor and random One Direction references. She is my best friend, my partner (in life and arguing), my favorite person to joke around with and the snarkiest, funniest person I’ve ever met.

Sylvia is the oldest of my daughters. She’s not my daughter by blood and she’s not adopted by law but you can be sure she is 100% my daughter. I love this kid with all my heart. She is beautiful, witty, smart (like really, really smart), a deep thinker and a great conversationalist. When the whole family is together she’s the one you’re most likely to find me talking to. We’ll be talking about theology or debating politics. I cherish these times. I cherish her. Sylvia is extra special to me because she is family by choice and even through difficult season she has remained family.

Sarah is the next oldest. She is also beautiful and incredibly smart, much smarter than me. She’s a talented athlete, the only person who can give Karina a run for her money in the snark and humor department and a joy to be around. I love talking to her about just about anything. I could literally just sit and listen to her tell me about paint drying and be entertained. She is a tremendous blessing to my life and I couldn’t imagine not having her. Like her sister, Sylvia, Sarah is my child by choice.

These two girls, Sylvia and Sarah, are complete equal to my blood children in my heart and standing in our family. When needing differentiate we never say “real” kids and other kids because they are my real kids. We’ll say “blood kids’ and “adopteds” if we need to note the difference somewhere.

Saphyre was my first kid. I spent a few years as a single daddy with her and despite that fact she’s turned out to be an amazing young woman. It’s fun watching her grow and learn and seek Christ. We have a daddy date every Friday and it’s a highlight of week. She is 100% a teenage, from total domination of bathroom time, to spamming everything she can on Instagram to using the word “like” ever other word. I adore her! Beauty, giggles, attitude and fashion make this girl a blast to hang out with.

Olivia is the most like me. She’s got a mean streak a mile long and a heart the size of the sun. She can be cutting with her words and inflict some damage with her fists but she can also be the most loving, kind gentle person you’ll ever meet. We call her the Fabulous Miss O because of her fashion sense and dive attitude. This kid is just overflowing with leadership. Channeled properly she could be a CEO on any company, left unchecked she’ll be a despot somewhere. Either way, she’s a leader.

Abby is crazy! If you want laughs and silliness, Abby is your girl. She makes up the best silly jokes, dances, skits and games. She had constant minor medical issues her life as a result of having Noonas Syndrome (somewhere on the autism spectrum) and she is a trooper about it all. Specialist and specialist and she goes cheerfully and joyfully every single time. She looks hardship in the face and tickles it. She doesn’t march to her own drum she creates her own instrument and marches to that.

Tessa is the baby and she is spoiled. When I get home from work she runs up to me and says, “Daddy M, daddy M”. This is her way of telling me she is now ready for me to give her M&Ms.  This beautiful baby girl has me completely wrapped around her little finger and she knows it. I can’t wait to see her personality as she grows and get to know her as she begins to talk more. When she gets married her poor husband if really going to have to work to please her because she thinks she is a real life princess.

Ashley is another sort of adopted girl in our life. Her place is a bit more ambiguous though but what I know for sure is that place is in our family. I describe her as the kid sister you raise. She’s the one I serve with the most in our community and at church. We are the sports fanatics and the ones crazy enough to work with teens. I love her like a daughter and fight with her like a sibling. We get on each other’s nerves (because we’re a lot alike) but at the end of the day we are family. Grad student, nanny to the rich and famous, mentor to teens, all around cool girl, that’s Ashley!

Finally there is Aly. Aly is a gift from God to our family. She isn't one of our kids at all but she belongs, she completely belongs. All of the girls above and the boy for that matter adore her. They don’t just like her, they adore her! I've never met anyone as good with kids as Aly. She’s sweet, smart, beautiful, full of questions, and genuinely looks for the good in every person and every situation. She is the most positive a real person I know. I absolutely love this girl as does everyone who meets her.  Aly in also unique in that she brings a whole family of amazing people with her. He parents and brothers (yay testosterone!) have all been a huge blessing to my family. Now we just need to get those boys hanging out a bit more.

Well if you made it this far, I’m impressed! This turned out much longer than the two paragraphs I had intended on writing. This is my life, girls, girls, girls. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I often don’t understand half of what they are talking about, why they are crying what I just did that made them all laugh at me but I love it. I have a great life, a better life than anyone I know.   

Why I Love Mars Hill

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this blog are mine and mine alone. I have not run this by anyone at Mars Hill and I am not writing on behalf of Mars Hill and/or any person associated with Mars Hill. No one at Mars Hill has viewed or approved this text.

I am a member of Mars Hill and I have been for about 13 years. Over the last 13 years I have come to love my church not because it's perfect but because it's my family. It's where I know I'm loved, protected and looked out for. Sure when I first came it was shiny and pretty. Much like my marriage there was a brief point where I was enamored with my church and could find no fault. Those days are long gone in both cases and I now see the imperfections but I don't love less because of them. I see opportunity for growth and I as a Christian see a reflection of myself and my sin. I see an example of constant change and repentance being laid out before me.

I'm under no illusion that my church or any of my pastors are prefect. The truth is my Lead Pastor, Mark Driscoll is a broken sinner. I know this not only because Scripture tells me but also because I've heard him confess his sin, I've heard it regularly and increasingly over the years. I know that the charge against him is that he's a egomaniac, maybe he was at some point but I see humility in him, I see a repentant leader striving for Jesus.

As a result of the teaching I've received at Mars Hill I've learned what it meas to be a man. Not a macho man, a tough guy or a stereotype but a real man. I've listened to countless sermons about being tough and tender as a husband and father. Because of this teaching that I've received I take my daughters on weekly daddy dates and do weekly buddy time with my son. I work hard (and often fail) to speak gently to wife and surprise her with little things that let her know I love her. Having grown up without a dad I never saw any of this and I never would have learned it without my church.

I've been called to a higher standard as a Christian, husband, father, employee (never of Mars Hill), friend and church member. I've been trained, rebuked, discipled and told to disciple. I've heard the Gospel week in and week out. I've seen people, many people meet Jesus and have their lives changed. I've never seen any member of church leadership claim to be perfect. I've met many of the pastors personally including the senior leadership and in those encounters I've always found humble, loving, repentant people who showed genuine care for me. I am not a top giver, I am not a pastor, I am not anyone that would be of any benefit to them, there is no reason to show off for me or make themselves look good to me. They are just real loving men. So loving in fact that one of the Executive Elders gets up every morning at 4:00 AM to pray for the people who attend.

Many people lately seem to want to take shots at what we get wrong yet fail to see (or mention) what God is doing. Again, I'm not saying Mars Hill is perfect. It isn't! I'm not saying Pastor Mark is perfect. He isn't! I'm saying in Matthew 16:18 Jesus was telling Peter that he was the rock on which His church would be built yet by 16:23 Jesus is saying, "Get behind me, Satan! You are a hindrance to me. For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man." No one is perfect! I don't want perfect, I want real, I want repentant, I want humble. I see all these things at Mars Hill.

My family has been loved well here, taught Scripture, taken care of in times need, spoken to softly, spoken to firmly and called to love Jesus more. I love Mars Hill because the broken sinners that comprise this church love Jesus, love people and love me.