I’m all for friendship and I’m all for hanging out with
people I care about. I’m definitely all about anything that involves food… good
food that is, leave your boiled steak mashed cauliflower at home. What I don’t
like is that it seems I can’t be a part of your church without joining one of
your groups. What I don’t like is that you don’t want to be my friend, you want
me to a notch on your spiritual bedpost. You care more about people showing up
to your group than you do about the people themselves.
Yes, you’ve come up with very clever names, Community Group,
City Group (I’m more of a country boy), Life Group, Fusion Group (what even is
that?), Growth Group (I know I’m short and I’m ok with that), Missional
Community, and DNA Group (DNA? Is this a needle exchange or something?) I’m not
sure how I explain to my normal friends that I’m hanging out with my Fusion
Group without them thinking I’m building bombs. Community Group sounds like I’m
inviting them to Home Owners Association meeting which no one wants to attend!
Maybe just call it hanging out with some friends.
Friends, that is what it’s all about right? Well maybe not.
It seems that you only want to be my friend if I join your group. I’m not where
you are at right now. I’m going through different things than you are. My
church of 14 years just shut down and disappeared from the face of the earth.
That still stings for me. It’s ok that it doesn’t for you but that’s what I’m
processing right now. I’m healing right now. I’m not trying to do it alone, I
have great people around me. I’m ever happy to hang out with you, I just don’t
want to join your group. It’s not my thing.
I've lead community groups, I was once completely bought in
on the whole concept. I was a vocal champion of Community Groups by any name. I
even volunteered as an assistant to the director of Community Groups at a large
church because I believed so strongly in the “mission”. In many ways I still
do. I still believe Hebrews 10:24-25 “And let us consider how to stir up one
another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the
habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day
drawing near.” (ESV)
What people want, what people crave is relationship, real
relationship. People don’t want to sit in a circle and talk about a sermon,
they don’t want to be your “friend” because they are in your group, and they
don’t want to be given a two hours a week where they matter. People want real
relationships. People want Galatians 6:2 “Bear one another's burdens, and so
fulfill the law of Christ.” (ESV)
I recently went to a friend’s son’s baseball game. My friend
and I chatted a bit, I chatted with some other friends that were there and we
all just had fun. There was no agenda, no topic, just friends hanging out.
Here’s the thing, I left that feeling loved, cared for, and I got to watch
baseball! What’s not to love about baseball? If you asked me what my plans were
I could easily say, “I’m going to a baseball game with some buddies.” That’s
much easier to explain than, “I’m going to a life group.” A life group? You
need a group for that? Please spare me the Christianese explanation of why
that’s such a cool name. I get it, you “do life together”. That makes no sense
to most people.
I’m not saying what you have is bad, in fact, in most cases
it’s probably good! I’m saying, I just showed up at your church, BACK OFF
psycho! I’m saying, I don’t need another church function, I need real friends.
If you’ll only be my friend if I come to your group, you aren’t my friend.
Thanks for inviting me, ONCE. I really appreciate that first invitation, I’m
not so thrilled about invitations 10-200. I kind of feel like you are trying to
make your quota now. I’m waiting for you to say, “What’s it going to take to
close this City Group deal today? I can get my manager on the phone and get it
done right now.”
I’m thankful for the people I have around me and I’m
thankful that your church has the best cell groups but I really don’t want to
join something that sounds like I’m in prison. Especially since I know if I was
in prison, none of you would visit me. I’m pretty confident in that fact since
my friend is in prison and no one has visited him and some people have even
laughed about it.
So this week as you head off to your Family Missional Life
Community Small Fusion Group this week, think about what your real purpose is.
Are you just there to check something off your spiritual to do list? Did you
only invite someone to fulfill your outreach requirements? When you invited
someone did they get confused about something called a Redemption City Home
Growth Connect Group? Get together with people! Love people! Just don’t force everything
into a box with a silly little name stop hounding people!
